Read her story below:
The past three years has been a very emotional period for me. I focused my energy on work and to build back my self esteem. its been really hard for me to come out straight and talk about this because sometimes I pinch myself to wake up and not believe that I was a victim of domestic violence. I've been through a lot in my life, faced a lot of challenges but this is one topic I've tried so hard to avoid and have been waiting for the right time but I have come to a resolve that there's really no right time because every second of the day,lives are being lost due to domestic violence. I was a victim of domestic violence in my marriage and that was the singular reason I left my marriage, aside other reasons. Read more after the cut.
Growing up as a girl. I was always known as the sweetest kid on the block, before I got married, I have been through some relationships and for once no man had ever laid a finger on me. The first time it happened in my marriage I didn't understand it because I am not the type of woman a man beats but I guess there are no types. It just happens and no woman deserves it. As a young girl I thought it was love or his way of expressing his emotions,after every beating he pleads , cries and says it won't happen again, once again I thought it was love and made excuses for him. Over the years when it kept happening consistently I started looking for other definitions for it. I started loosing my self pride,self esteem , self worth, and most painfully i lost a pregnancy (Miscarriage) I almost lost my life in the process then I realized how serious and abnormal it really was.
I have heard and read a lot of accusations from ignorant people who don't know my story,I guess that's why they are ignorant. I was 20yrs old and very naive to the world when I got married .“ They said I married for money“ LOL. I was married to a corporate guy,who had a 9_5 job in a bank, Lives in a rented 2 bedroom apartment at Egbe.. So do the maths! . I married for love. I did a traditional wedding. A white wedding and a court wedding. So that's how much I wanted to be married forever. For five years I hoped, prayed & wished that one day it will all change. But the last straw that broke the camels back was during a heated argument he threw a glass jug to my face and I dogged it and it shattered on d wall. I saw death flash before me and I made a decision to save my life. I left my marriage.
Am not saying this to draw pity from anyone because we are entitled to our opinions and believes. I am not also saying this to discourage people from falling in love because its a beautiful feeling and I still believe in it. I am saying this to educate, share and talk about my experience as a victim of domestic violence because it is real.
So sad, stop judging pple. Some of us cannot even bear this nonsense for 1 yr. Domestic violence is bad. God forbid.
ReplyDelete20 years old, what business do you have getting married. Can you imagine arguing with a 20yr old, must have done the guy's head in. Domestic violence is bad, men speak out and say no and women, say no too.
ReplyDelete@anon 00:27 I got married to my best frd when I was 21( not too different from Chika`s age) and I have been happy all these years. By God`s grace last month I celebrated 9 yrs in my marriage. So this so called domestic violence has got nothing to do with age. An animal will always act like 1. Its sad. Love is a beautiful thing & should be celebrated and encouraged. If u raise ur hand to hit a woman,it shows how much u love that person. #saynotodomesticviolence
Deleteannon 0.27
DeleteThe point i was making about age is this: A 20-year old girl getting married clearly is an act of complete and utter naivety, because, what sort of understanding would such person display when push comes to shove?
I blame the man completely for hitting her and domestic violence is bad, my point is simple, her age has a lot to do with it. When you get married at 20, what if there is problem when the time comes to continue schooling, pursue a career, have friends, continue living your normal 20yr old life, converts you from a girl to a woman, you discover you need to cook, wash do many things cos 9ja men don't assist and thinks a woman's place is in the kitchen and might not even want you to pursue a career as an actress. All these becomes too much for this 20year old, then there is a recipe for disaster, you will become bored and filled with hate, which leads to heated arguments and ultimately domestic violence. i am a psychologist, i bring out the reason things happen does not mean i support it.
If you got married at the age of 21 and 9 years later you are happy, then you are one in a million. Praise GOD. You need to complete your education, get a career for yourself and then marriage, then things would work out just fine because that is how the man met you.
She innocently married the guy out of love, What has his throwing of glasses and hitting the girl got to do with AGE? Hope that anon 00:27 is not an abuser?
ReplyDeleteannon 0:27
DeleteHer age has a lot,i am not blaming a wall for actions of human beings, when there is a problem in a marriage, who do you blame? both parties,the guy clearly is a bad person for doing what he did but my point comes from imagining my little naive 20-year old sister deciding to get married, there would be problems IF she discovers he is not the knight is shining Armour or IF he discovers she might not be Cinderella. Matured people would show understanding while a 20year old might start thinking of stupid things to do. every home has their problems, i am not taking sides, people like us sits down to find out why it happened while others are playing the blame game.